Capital Cabaret

Property weighs 7 sub-metrics — atmosphere, location, privacy, parking, luxury, amenities, capacity — each scored 0–10. They roll up into the single 0–100 property score.

Signals come from verified reviews, venue data, and website text. The overall dot on the radar is the average shape across these sub-metrics.

More like a dingy motel room than a cabaret.

The property itself is a letdown, with a dingy atmosphere, a cramped location, and terrible parking. The only slightly redeeming quality is the decent amenities, but that's not enough to make up for the overall mediocrity. If you're looking for a fancy night out, keep looking.

Service weighs 7 sub-metrics — door, bar, speed, respect, safety, clean, value — each scored 0–10. They roll up into the single 0–100 service score.

Signals come from verified reviews, venue data, and website text. The overall dot on the radar is the average shape across these sub-metrics.

Expect friendly but incompetent staff.

The service at Capital Cabaret is friendly, but it's also sloppily executed. The door staff is welcoming, but the bar service is slow and disorganized. The respect and safety scores are decent, but that's not enough to make up for the overall incompetence. If you want to be treated like a VIP, go somewhere else.

Food weighs 7 sub-metrics — quality, price, drinks, bottles, luxury, cigar, value — each scored 0–10. They roll up into the single 0–100 food score.

Signals come from verified reviews, venue data, and website text. The overall dot on the radar is the average shape across these sub-metrics.

Don't bother with the subpar food and drinks.

The food and drinks at Capital Cabaret are an afterthought, with subpar quality and overpriced prices. The food quality is nonexistent, and the drink prices are outrageous. Unless you're a glutton for punishment, avoid the kitchen and stick to the basics. Don't expect to be impressed.

Performers weighs 6 sub-metrics — talent, style, interact, pro, vip, dance — each scored 0–10. They roll up into the single 0–100 performers score.

Signals come from verified reviews, venue data, and website text. The overall dot on the radar is the average shape across these sub-metrics.

Some decent dancers, but that's about it.

The performers at Capital Cabaret are a mixed bag, with some decent dancers but overall lackluster talent. The appearance and interaction scores are decent, but the professionalism and value scores are lacking. If you're a fan of mediocre striptease, you might enjoy it here. Otherwise, keep looking.

Each point on the radar is a dimension scored 0–100, weighted by how much it shapes a night out. Balanced shapes mean well-rounded clubs; spikes mean a venue excels at one thing but not others.

Tap any dimension's own info icon to see which sub-metrics feed into it.

All-around disaster.

Capital Cabaret feels like a failed experiment. The low scores across the board suggest a lack of attention to detail and a general air of neglect. Unless you're desperate, there are better options in the area.

SW Score is a weighted composite across four dimensions — property, service, food, and performers — measured across 27 sub-metrics and a separate value score.

Sub-metric signals are pulled from verified reviews, venue data, and website text. Each dimension rolls up into a 0-100 score, which feeds the weighted overall.

How to read the shape: a balanced radar means a well-rounded club. A spiked shape means it excels at one thing and not others. Tap any dimension below for its full breakdown.