Garden of Eden

Property weighs 7 sub-metrics — atmosphere, location, privacy, parking, luxury, amenities, capacity — each scored 0–10. They roll up into the single 0–100 property score.

Signals come from verified reviews, venue data, and website text. The overall dot on the radar is the average shape across these sub-metrics.

The room is cramped, dingy, and nowhere you'd want to be.

Atmosphere, luxury, amenities, location, parking, capacity, and privacy all score zero. The space feels cramped, unwelcoming, and forgotten. No redeeming physical qualities whatsoever. Unless you're doing research on the worst venues in SF, there's no reason to walk through the door.

Service weighs 7 sub-metrics — door, bar, speed, respect, safety, clean, value — each scored 0–10. They roll up into the single 0–100 service score.

Signals come from verified reviews, venue data, and website text. The overall dot on the radar is the average shape across these sub-metrics.

Staff doesn't care, place is filthy, you'll feel unsafe.

Door service, bar service, speed, respect, safety, and cleanliness all bottom out. Staff won't acknowledge you, the place is visibly dirty, and you'll leave feeling disrespected. No one who works here seems to care if you come back. Expect neglect.

Food weighs 7 sub-metrics — quality, price, drinks, bottles, luxury, cigar, value — each scored 0–10. They roll up into the single 0–100 food score.

Signals come from verified reviews, venue data, and website text. The overall dot on the radar is the average shape across these sub-metrics.

Overpriced garbage drinks and no food worth eating.

Drink prices, bottle prices, food quality, and food prices are all abysmal. You're paying too much for swill. No cigars or hookah to speak of. Don't order anything; grab a beer from somewhere else and drink it faster than you can leave.

Performers weighs 6 sub-metrics — talent, style, interact, pro, vip, dance — each scored 0–10. They roll up into the single 0–100 performers score.

Signals come from verified reviews, venue data, and website text. The overall dot on the radar is the average shape across these sub-metrics.

Talent is nonexistent, dancers look bored, zero professionalism.

Talent quality, appearance, style, interaction, professionalism, and VIP/dance value are all nonexistent. The dancers look like they're serving time, not working. No energy, no skill, no reason to stay. This is where the industry goes to die.

Each point on the radar is a dimension scored 0–100, weighted by how much it shapes a night out. Balanced shapes mean well-rounded clubs; spikes mean a venue excels at one thing but not others.

Tap any dimension's own info icon to see which sub-metrics feed into it.

Garden of Eden is a complete washout across the board.

Every single metric tanks here—atmosphere, luxury, amenities, location, parking, capacity, privacy, all zero. Door service, bar service, speed, respect, safety, cleanliness: zero. Drinks, food, talent, interaction: zero. This isn't a bad club; it's barely a club at all. Skip it entirely.

SW Score is a weighted composite across four dimensions — property, service, food, and performers — measured across 27 sub-metrics and a separate value score.

Sub-metric signals are pulled from verified reviews, venue data, and website text. Each dimension rolls up into a 0-100 score, which feeds the weighted overall.

How to read the shape: a balanced radar means a well-rounded club. A spiked shape means it excels at one thing and not others. Tap any dimension below for its full breakdown.