Property weighs 7 sub-metrics — atmosphere, location, privacy, parking, luxury, amenities, capacity — each scored 0–10. They roll up into the single 0–100 property score.

Signals come from verified reviews, venue data, and website text. The overall dot on the radar is the average shape across these sub-metrics.

Spacious lot and bright parking; two-stage layout lets you pick your vibe.

The room spans two levels with a main stage downstairs and a second stage upstairs that opens on busier nights. Reviewers highlight the spacious parking lot—rarely full, well-lit, and discreet—as a major draw. Inside, the layout is straightforward: bar to the left, stage at the back, high-top tables scattered throughout, and a VIP section to the right. The atmosphere is deliberately dive-bar-like, with brighter lighting than most clubs but dimmer than a sports bar. Capacity feels comfortable without the crush of downtown venues. Privacy is decent in the VIP area, though the main floor is open and social.

Service weighs 7 sub-metrics — door, bar, speed, respect, safety, clean, value — each scored 0–10. They roll up into the single 0–100 service score.

Signals come from verified reviews, venue data, and website text. The overall dot on the radar is the average shape across these sub-metrics.

Respectful floor, quick bar, no pressure—staff treats you like a regular.

Door staff scan IDs and enforce the no-contact rule clearly without attitude. Bartenders and table servers are laid-back and responsive—reviewers note they don't rush you to drink and are available when needed. Respect is high; the floor feels safe and professional. Cleanliness is solid across the board. One minor note: a drink purchase is technically required upon entry, though reviewers report it's not enforced strictly. Overall, the service tone is 'neighborhood regular,' not transactional.

Food weighs 7 sub-metrics — quality, price, drinks, bottles, luxury, cigar, value — each scored 0–10. They roll up into the single 0–100 food score.

Signals come from verified reviews, venue data, and website text. The overall dot on the radar is the average shape across these sub-metrics.

Cheap drinks ($4–$8 beer as of 2024 reviews) and basic bar fare, fairly priced.

Beer runs $4–$8 (draft) as of 2024 reviews, with mixed drinks around $8–$10. A bottle of Miller Lite is ~$6–$7. Food options are limited—standard bar fare, nothing noteworthy. Pricing is fair for the market; reviewers don't complain about gouging. This isn't a food destination, but the drink prices are genuinely cheap by strip-club standards, especially during the day shift.

Performers weighs 6 sub-metrics — talent, style, interact, pro, vip, dance — each scored 0–10. They roll up into the single 0–100 performers score.

Signals come from verified reviews, venue data, and website text. The overall dot on the radar is the average shape across these sub-metrics.

Consistent 7+ talent; dancers chat freely and work the floor with genuine ease.

The roster typically includes 5–8 dancers on weekdays, ramping to 10–20 on weekends. Most are in their 20s, with a few seasoned performers; the consensus is 7+ attractiveness across the board, with some standouts rated 8–9. Dancers are approachable and chatty—they'll sit with regulars and engage freely without pressure. Stage work is fully nude with no contact; floor dances are $10 (as of 2024 reviews) and happen in open booths. Lap dances are low-mileage but engaging; reviewers report friendly conversation and occasional light contact (shoulder rubs, brushing). VIP dances run ~$200–$350 (2023–2026 reviews). Professionalism is high; dancers work the room politely and know their regulars.

Each point on the radar is a dimension scored 0–100, weighted by how much it shapes a night out. Balanced shapes mean well-rounded clubs; spikes mean a venue excels at one thing but not others.

Tap any dimension's own info icon to see which sub-metrics feed into it.

Suburban standout with strong dancer talent and zero pretense—a real working-class winner.

King of Diamonds thrives on a no-frills, accessible vibe that reviewers return to repeatedly. The roster is solid and consistent—most dancers rate 7 or higher in attractiveness, and regulars name favorites like Honey and Natasha with real affection. Unlike downtown clubs, there's zero pretense here; you're in a working-class bar atmosphere with full nudity and lap dances, not a velvet-rope lounge. The suburban location (Inver Grove Heights, about 15 minutes from the Twin Cities) means a relaxed crowd and free, well-lit parking that reviewers consistently praise. Best for weekday afternoons (4–9 PM) when the roster is posted and smaller crowds let you focus on the show.

SW Score is a weighted composite across four dimensions — property, service, food, and performers — measured across 27 sub-metrics and a separate value score.

Sub-metric signals are pulled from verified reviews, venue data, and website text. Each dimension rolls up into a 0-100 score, which feeds the weighted overall.

How to read the shape: a balanced radar means a well-rounded club. A spiked shape means it excels at one thing and not others. Tap any dimension below for its full breakdown.