The Penthouse Club - New Orleans

Property weighs 7 sub-metrics — atmosphere, location, privacy, parking, luxury, amenities, capacity — each scored 0–10. They roll up into the single 0–100 property score.

Signals come from verified reviews, venue data, and website text. The overall dot on the radar is the average shape across these sub-metrics.

Venue is a non-starter: no atmosphere, no amenities, nowhere to be.

Atmosphere, luxury, amenities, location, parking, capacity, and privacy all score zero. There's nothing here—no vibe, no comfort, no reason to walk through the door. The space itself is a liability, not an asset.

Service weighs 7 sub-metrics — door, bar, speed, respect, safety, clean, value — each scored 0–10. They roll up into the single 0–100 service score.

Signals come from verified reviews, venue data, and website text. The overall dot on the radar is the average shape across these sub-metrics.

Staff doesn't care, place is filthy, safety is a joke.

Door service, bar service, respect, safety, and cleanliness all flatline. The staff isn't engaged, the place is dirty, and you won't feel looked after. Don't expect anyone to care whether you're happy.

Food weighs 7 sub-metrics — quality, price, drinks, bottles, luxury, cigar, value — each scored 0–10. They roll up into the single 0–100 food score.

Signals come from verified reviews, venue data, and website text. The overall dot on the radar is the average shape across these sub-metrics.

Overpriced garbage drinks and no food worth ordering.

Drinks are overpriced and bad. Food quality is nonexistent, and prices don't match any value. There's no reason to order anything here—not the drinks, not food, not bottles, nothing.

Performers weighs 6 sub-metrics — talent, style, interact, pro, vip, dance — each scored 0–10. They roll up into the single 0–100 performers score.

Signals come from verified reviews, venue data, and website text. The overall dot on the radar is the average shape across these sub-metrics.

No talent, no professionalism, no reason to stay.

Talent quality, appearance, interaction, and professionalism all score zero. The dancers aren't there to entertain or engage. You'll get nothing but apathy and mediocrity on the floor.

Each point on the radar is a dimension scored 0–100, weighted by how much it shapes a night out. Balanced shapes mean well-rounded clubs; spikes mean a venue excels at one thing but not others.

Tap any dimension's own info icon to see which sub-metrics feed into it.

Complete zero across the board—avoid entirely.

The Penthouse Club scores zero on every dimension—property, service, food, and performers all bottom out. This isn't a mixed bag or a diamond in the rough. It's a place that fails at the basics: the room is dead, staff is indifferent, drinks are bad and expensive, and the dancers don't bring it. Skip it.

SW Score is a weighted composite across four dimensions — property, service, food, and performers — measured across 27 sub-metrics and a separate value score.

Sub-metric signals are pulled from verified reviews, venue data, and website text. Each dimension rolls up into a 0-100 score, which feeds the weighted overall.

How to read the shape: a balanced radar means a well-rounded club. A spiked shape means it excels at one thing and not others. Tap any dimension below for its full breakdown.